


Turning Darkness to Light

by Teaten



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Declarations Of Love, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, First Kiss, Fix-It, Inspired by She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018), M/M, Spoilers for Episode: s15e18 Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29146533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teaten/pseuds/Teaten
Summary: Did you just jump into fire for me?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	Turning Darkness to Light

**Author's Note:**

> Episode 2 in the saga of me posting un-beta-ed fanfics in the middle of the night while on the verge of falling asleep. Once again, i only re-read it once, all mistakes are definitely mine.
> 
> I really hope most of you will get what I was going for here, i've been thinking about writing this for months.
> 
> but if not, i did this just because i'm a sad gay who thought 'hey, why not mix the two scenes that made you cry the most in 2020' (two very different kinds of crying though)
> 
> Please don't think about the rules of the empty too hard reading this
> 
> i'm winteaten on tumblr if any of you want to drop by btw
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Dean was on the floor. The sound of his own heartbeat in his ears was deafening.

Everything was going too fast, one second him and Cas were running into the room, the next Cas was pushing him aside.

His brain didn’t seem to be able to catch up with his eyes fast enough.

Seeing the Empty reach Cas, taking him away, seemed to flip some kind of switch.

He couldn’t let it happen. Cas was an idiot for thinking Dean wouldn’t interfere.

If there was one thing Dean knew right now, it was that he couldn’t lose him again.

He felt so angry. Angry at the Empty for even daring to come anywhere near Cas, angry at Cas for sacrificing himself to save Dean _again_ , and angry at himself for not making sure that Cas knew he was loved and wanted sooner.

Jumping to his feet, he watched as Cas completely disappeared into the Empty. Not taking a second to think, Dean ran towards the closing portal.

If God wasn’t such an asshole, he’d be praying to reach it on time. But since God was pretty much the reason all this shit show was happening, the only thought in Dean’s mind was the same that had been going off this entire hour.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As he got to it, the portal was barely big enough for Dean to step through, but he couldn’t afford to stop now.

All but throwing himself into the infinite void, not knowing what would happen to him, he instinctively held his breath, as if he was jumping into a pool.

Not immediately being thrown back out, or feeling an unbearable pain, he allowed himself to quickly assess the situation.

Only his torso had fit through, but he could still feel his legs and some light was visible behind him, so he had to assume his lower half was still in the room in the bunker.

For the upper half however, he didn’t really know how to describe his surroundings in another way than Big Fat Nothing.

It seemed like the portal just couldn’t close with him in the opening. He could probably get completely inside if he tried, but he wanted to get them both out, not stuck in.

Still trying to look around something that was literally impossible to look at, something finally caught his eyes.

It was just a flash of tan fabric at first, somewhere a couple feet under the portal.

But then, slowly, as if he was breaking the surface of a lake, the rest of him appeared. His torso. His legs. His face.

Cas.

His eyes were closed. It looked like he was lying down, even though there was nothing to lie on. Most importantly, he didn’t move.

Dean felt himself stop breathing again, and the tears he’d been holding back almost spilling. It felt like losing everything. His hope, his life, his soul… Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

His voice shaking with fear and heartbreak, holding onto his last sliver of hope, he screamed:

“Cas!”

For a second, he swore he saw Cas furrow his eyebrows. He dared himself to hope a bit more.

“Please, you have to wake up!”

His eyes opened and immediately widened when he saw Dean.

Biting back on a sob of relief, Dean immediately reached out his hand.

Cas was staring right at him, but didn’t make a move. Instead, he slowly turned his head to the side, looking away.

Hope became desperation.

“You can’t give up!” Dean pleaded. “You have never given up on anything in your life, not even on me!”

Cas had believed in him when no one else did. He had always been by his side, no matter how many times Dean had tried to push him away.

Even when they were separated, Dean knew Cas would be there for him if he could. Dean only needed to ask.

He had tried to ignore it for years, to find reasons, he let his own self-esteem convince him that it meant nothing. But it was the complete opposite, actually.

If he failed, if Castiel didn’t come back, he didn’t know what he would do.

“So don’t you dare start now!”

Cas was crying, Dean could see it. There was no light that could reflect on the tears, yet his eyes were still shining with them. He looked back at Dean, his face sad and clearly resigned.

“It’s too late… I failed…”

Dean didn’t know what Cas could possibly think he had failed at, but he didn’t have time to dwell on that.

Relieved that Cas was there, awake, and acknowledging him, he spread his fingers, every part of him begging Cas to take his hand.

“No, no! I’ve got you, I’m not letting go!”

He didn’t know why, but he finally felt tears run down his cheeks.

Still trying to hold back the sobs, he felt like his chest was suddenly ripped open, every emotion he had ever felt exposed, raw, for everyone to see.

He didn’t care about any of it anymore. All that mattered was getting Cas home.

“Don’t you get it?! I love you! I always have!”

Cas’ eyes widened again, his mouth opening in shock, his fingers gripping at nothing.

He still wasn’t making any move to get up. Dean couldn’t stop crying, he knew he was two seconds away from completely breaking down.

He didn’t even care that those words he had kept hidden, so deep, for so long, were finally out in the open.

He sobbed, a heart that couldn’t possibly be broken any more than it had already been somehow still being crushed to pieces:

“So please, just this once, stay!”

It was all he had. He hoped, like he had never dared to hope before, that it was enough.

“Stay…” He repeated, his voice a whimper, letting the tears blur his vision completely.

He felt a hand grip his.

With a gasp of surprise, he instinctively tugged on the hand, bringing the other’s body against his.

Cas’ scent immediately overwhelmed Dean’s senses, his hair tickling Dean’s chin.

Slipping his other arm under Cas’ armpits, he held him close. Cas wrapped his free arm around his neck. Dean could feel Cas’ own tears against his skin.

He pulled as hard as he could. It was clear the Empty was still sucking Cas in, but it looked like the portal was still trying to close. 

Hoping that he was right, Dean kept going, twisting around so that he would be the last to leave the Empty.

Slowly getting Cas back into the room, he felt the edges of the portal running against his back, and finally it was done.

It was probably a mix of the lights blinding him, his body shaking with adrenaline, and the inconvenient position he had been stuck in while trying to get Cas, but the second the portal closed, they both crashed to the floor.

Immediately looking Cas over to make sure he was okay, Dean froze when their eyes met. Just like his, Cas’ were still filled with tears, and a multitude of emotions seemed to go through them all at once. Shock, disbelief, surprise, fear… _Hope_.

They both stayed silent for a bit, as if neither of them could remember how to form words. The world seemed to have stopped, everything standing still, waiting.

Finally, voice hoarse from everything that had just happened, eyes incredibly wide, Cas broke the silence:

“You love me?”

Surprising even himself, Dean let out a small laugh. Unable to stop himself, he softly stroked Cas’ hair.

“You’re such an idiot…”

Suddenly, he had a handful of Cas in his arms again, but before he had time to react, he felt lips press against his.

Only allowing himself a small gasp, he kissed back, trying to put all his love, adoration and relief into it.

He didn’t think he could find the words, but he needed Cas to understand. He had been so close to losing everything.

Both of his hands in Cas’ hair, he let himself cry again, feeling his broken heart slowly being mended together with every kiss that Cas pressed to his lips, every stroke of Cas’ hand against his cheek, every bubble of warmth that kept exploding in his chest whenever he realized that this was real.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
